okay guys okay roll with me for a second
spn au where everything pre-series is the same. the house burns down on november 2nd, 1983, the boys grow up in the back seat of a ‘67 chevy impala, and sam breaks free when he goes to stanford.
but he doesn’t have the nightmares. no visions of jess on the ceiling that match the horrifying story he’s heard of his mother’s demise. no splitting headaches that force him to skip his morning classes. he sleeps soundly at night with jess at his side.
but one day a dog dies when he crouches down to pet it. it freaked him right the fuck out, but he doesn’t blame himself. sometimes shit happens, maybe the dog had a weak heart. but it happens again a couple weeks later, and now he’s terrified. something’s wrong, something’s going on. but jess is there, reassuring, beautiful, comforting jess to brush his bangs out of his eyes and tell him that it couldn’t possibly be his fault and that everything will be okay.
halloween night, 2005, dean breaks into his house and is alarmed to see sam wielding a bat at him. he jokes about it, telling him that he must’ve gone soft if he needs to use a bat to take down some human breaking into his house. sam doesn’t tell him that he’s scared to touch anyone. he hasn’t hurt any humans, but he can’t take that risk. not with anyone. especially not dean.
the hunt goes okay, dean watching sam from the corner of his eye, trying to not take it personally when sam flinches away if dean gets within an arm’s reach of him.
he gets home with a smile on his face and thinks maybe, just maybe, he can have this safe life with jess and keep his family too. dean’ll find dad, tell him how sam tried to help find him, and things will smooth out. they’ll visit when they swing through california, he’ll meet them somewhere during summer and winter breaks. things might actually work out.
jess then walks out of the bathroom, steam billowing around her from the shower, and she smiles so wide when she sees sam flopped down on their bed, eating one of her cookies. she crawls over him and leans down and gives him a kiss, snatches a taste of chocolate chip. and it’s so sweet and warm and sam’s so happy. so, so fucking happy. finally. he reaches up to cradle the face of the woman he wants to marry and everything goes to hell.
she lights up, bright flashing lights illuminating from within her body, and it’d almost be beautiful if it wasn’t the end of sam’s world. it only takes three seconds and then she’s gone, limp in sam’s arms, thin trails of smoke slowly rising out from her mouth.